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| The Professors have been researching for years and run across a number of curiosities. Below are just a few examples of situations that beg the question: | |||||||||||||||||||
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What Happened? |
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PANTYHOSE: |
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| Think about that name for a moment: No Nonsense! They could have named them anything. How about Party Time Pantyhose? Good Time Pantyhose? Sexybitch Pantyhose? Easy-On, Easy-Off Pantyhose? No. Out of all the zillions of great possibilities they chose "No Nonsense." Why did they do that? In a word—Mommies. | |||||||||||||||||||
It is a chilling testimony to the all-pervasive power of Mommydom that this has occurred and gone both unnoticed and un-dealt with by men. When you and your Mommy-in-waiting were dating, it was ALL nonsense. Back then, her underwear of choice ranged from nothing at all to, at most, bikini-cut panties. Now the closest thing to her pleasure patch has a big sign hanging on it: "NO NONSENSE! |
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| Guys should have been up in arms years ago. Hell, we threw a trade embargo on Iraq for less than that. Instead, we are left sitting on the sexual sidelines, pondering the perennial question: What happened? | |||||||||||||||||||
| As bad as this is, it can get worse. It’s usually just a few short years before she may start jamming herself into something called "No Nonsense Control Top–Queen Size." At that point guys actually look back on the early years of the No Nonsense era with a certain wistful yearning. | |||||||||||||||||||
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| GOLF: Golf was the original sporting hideout for guys that didn’t involve killing wildlife. Sadly, the demise of golf as a hideout for men has been swift and devastating. Back in the golden era of golf, most courses were designated Men Only. We’ve even heard that the letters G.O.L.F. stand for "gentlemen only, ladies forbidden." Not too far in the past, a crack in the dam called "Ladies’ Day" appeared, allowing Mommy’s entry to the hallowed grounds for one specified day each week. Out of that fissure has emerged a flood of Mommies. They’ve continued unabated to a point now where most clubs today have something called "Mens’ Day." |
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What Happened? |
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| OBLIGATORY
SEX: During the "don’t ask, don’t tell" period of the ’40s and ’50s, Obligatory Sex meant a Mommy was fulfilling her conjugal duties every Saturday morning. It was something she just did, like clockwork, and didn’t talk to the other Mommies about. |
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| The nature of Obligatory Sex experienced a change during the sexual revolution of the ’60s and ’70s. Suddenly, sex came out of the quietude of the bedroom and was splashed across the cover of every women’s magazine with intimidating headlines like, "His G-Spot—Have You Found It Yet?" and "The Big ‘O’ in 60 Seconds—Yes, Yes, YES!" Inside, Mommies were assaulted by pages packed with stats about orgasm intensity and sexual frequency, along with graphic displays of contorted Kama-Sutra positions only a double-jointed magician’s assistant could pull off! | |||||||||||||||||||
| This heightened awareness of other women’s sexual habits has made current-day Mommies increasingly paranoid about their own sexual inadequacies, and is the basis for the shift in the meaning of Obligatory Sex. | |||||||||||||||||||
| Today, the obligation Mommy is fulfilling relates more to her needs than yours. In the 21st Century, Obligatory sex is the kind you get when Mommy thinks it’s been an embarrassingly long time since she’s had sex with you. Mommy is obliged to have sex not to satisfy you or even fulfill her sexual needs. Mommy is obliged to have sex with you to maintain her delusion that she is holding her own in the competitive "Cosmo" world of women who purport to actually have sex lives. | |||||||||||||||||||
| Obligatory Sex is also driven by Mommy’s latent fears that she actually is frigid and could get along just fine without it. | |||||||||||||||||||
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