Advice from the Professors

Internet at risk of total Mommy control

From: Bob in Chicago

Question

Warning to married guys everywhere!

This week's Time Magazine features an article on why it's "not good" for married men to look at adult sites on the internet. This artice is written by none other than Pamela Paul. That's right, "Pamela". Do ya think that maybe "Pamela" is a Mommy?

Let me tell you boys, the Mommies are coming for our internet.

We've been beaten by them into submission about drinking, smoking, speeding, and just about every other fun guy's activity. We are now law abiding, tax paying, "proper" citizens who are willing to do just about whatever we are told just to make the pain stop.

Then along comes a beacon of light in the wilderness. It's called the internet. And it features, for nothing more than the monthly cost of service, pictures of girls wearing things that our wives won't wear anymore and doing things that our wives won't do anymore. Yes, this harmless activity can be done in the safety of our own homes (which is typically a Mommy requirement anyway) and costs far less than a night at the local gentlemen's club (so it doesn't drain the family budget).

Sound good? Absolutely not! The objective of Mommydom is to control every aspect of a guy's life, regardless of whether or not it achieves anything good for him or Mommy. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. In Mommy's mind, to control their man IS good.

So what then, of the internet? 'Tis bad! 'Tis very bad! You are a bad dog! Turn off that porn, you selfish man, you! You are single handedly ruining this relationship by making Mommy feel powerless because you don't have to wait for her to hand out sex. You can just substitute by looking at it on the internet.

They're coming, boys. The Mommies are coming to take our internet away. And now they've recruited Time Magazine, and all the "psychologists" whose opinions are included in these ridiculous articles, to make us feel guilty for partaking in a purely harmless activity. Why? Because Mommies must have control!

And when they are done, and you've given up using the internet because they've convinced you that you are bad for using it in such a "destructive" way, you will sit there with nothing left in your life and ask "What Happened?"

Comments

Bob,

First it was *69 on the phone lines allowing Mommy to double check who you may have been talking with. Then it was email that can't be erased or trashed. Now it is the best part of the internet!

With this call to arms you've attained Associate Professor status in our eyes. Well done.