Advice from the Professors

Of Bills and SUVs

From: K.O. in the nuptial netherworld

Question

I have questions on certain "Mommy" behaviors that need a response:

1) Why do certain Mommies only deal with matters (financial, personal) when it becomes a crisis or catastrophe? That is, will only pay a large bill when the company begins calling to ask for payment.

2) Why do certain Mommies, HAVE to drive gigantic SUVs? The bigger the better. It's like an SUV "arms race" with other Mommies as I think they feel they have to have a bigger weapon than the other side. Maybe a Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD) strategy? It can't be status as other luxury vehicles could suffice. I think the safety issue is part of it but there's something else there and I can't figure it out.

What Happened?

Comments

First, “certain” Mommies are usually found in your own back yard. Are we talking about yours?

1. Bill paying Mommies inhabit both ends of the spectrum. One type pays every bill as soon as it shows up in the mail. Another type (yours?), is less common and the sort that seem to collect bankruptcy attorneys like so many charm bracelets. Bankruptcy Mommies are very hard on your credit rating but generally more fun to hang around with- less hung up, if you will.

2. As for the SUVs- Our research has shown that status and safety play roles in the buying decisions of Suburban Assault Vehicle Mommies.

More importantly, our statistical analysis has also shown that in nearly all cases it is the most "height-challenged" Mommy that chooses the largest SUV. Climbing up and into a tall road beast does impart a sense of power. Throw in ten cup holders for lattes and an on-board DVD player for the kiddies and you've got the perfect Mommy Mobile!

SUV Study results: Mommy A 5ft 9in- Toyota Rav 4 Mommy B 5ft 5in- Ford Escape Mommy C 5ft 3in- Ford Eddie Bauer Explorer Mommy C 5ft 1in- Cadillac "Escalade" Mommy D 4ft 10in- D-10 Caterpillar "Diesela"