Advice from the Professors

Tsunami and proud of it!

From: Tracy in Oly- WA

Question

HI all! I spoke to you this morning on the Kirby Wilber Show- KVI. This is Tracy the Tsunami Mommy! And Proud of it. I could not have it any other way.

My side of the story is if husbands did not act so stupid 90% of the time, we Mommies would not have to "take care of everything". I happen to me married to one of the smartest men I know, and yet when he walks through the door when coming home, it is like his brain totally shuts off, and he admits he does not need to think with me around! I always am amazed at how smart everyone thinks he is at work?; because he comes home and he forgets everything! I always ask him this too, how is it that you can be a project manager but you can't remember to do the simplest things?

I also happen to know that I have slightly higher morals than him, it is amazing what men think is "ok" to do, especially with children around. He is a Christian man, but sometimes I wonder what kind of inner dark urges he is fighting!?

So how does this happen? We get married, (2 boys from previous marriages) and 2 girls of our own. Within months he is deferring most everything to me, 6 years now. I honestly wonder how most men survive without a woman around to take care of them?!!!!Especially if they are raising kids at all. I think they get married so that they CAN stop thinking. (some of the stories he has of raising his son alone, it is a wonder the boy survived).

My husband has some of the best qualities in a person, but at the same time, he does some of the most stupid things that I can hardly believe it at times. (don't get me started on them). I mean some real asinine stuff too. Once in awhile he gets a wild hair and tries to complain about his lot in life, or that he is not one of the kids, which I beg to differ, and I just "gently remind" him of what he could be doing and who he could be with, or what he would be doing now without me, etc. Ha, he knows which side his bread is buttered. Yes he is the man of the house, but all great men have a "mommy" behind them!

My kids know too, they may get the urge to push Daddy around (he is a little less strict than me), but then he just threatens them with me, and they get to it right now. We have a routine around here with a small ranch, and there is no room for slack when it comes to feeding and taking care of large animals, This is where Paul excels, with the animals, yet he will overlook the most important things about the animals, i.e. underestimating the stupidity of the horses and fencing.(I say could say " I told you so" about a dozen times a day, really)

We all pretend that Daddy is in charge, so that he feels respected. I always tell the kids that I have to discuss things with Daddy first when making any decisions, but the kids don't fall for that anymore, it is funny actually. They tell Daddy sometimes, "wait till mommy gets home" (my 4 and 5 year old girls are very wise), or did Mommy say you could do that Daddy?

We do go to a Christian counselor and our pastor whenever we feel we need some re-adjusting, but for the most part we both have our roles in the family and seem to do just fine. I do have to back off sometimes, so that he feels as if he has some control, but we always fall back into the real roles soon, it is natural.

When I back off, the house hold literally starts to fall apart.Now he is very capable of taking care of the kids and home for very short periods of time, as long as I leave sticky notes, and messages all over the house, and make sure every little detail is taken care of, sure he does fine. In fact he fears anything happening to me, as he has noides how he would survive without me. ( it also means that my mother would move in and take over, that scares him more than death, I think.)

He is strong, intelligent, content man, but he defers almost everything to me, maybe out of fear, intelligence, taking me for granted, I don't know. I am college educated and a Christian Woman. My husband is also educated and a self taught individual, and we both continuously strive to educate ourselves on everything we can get our hands on.

I don't try and change him, but I do expect for him to behave as the man he said he was, and to set a good example for his kids at all times.

Neither of us are lazy by nature and we constantly stay busy, he is just that way. If we are sitting on the couch, we both feel guilty and wonder what it is that we are not getting done. Paul is the one who asked me from day one for a "Honey do list" and let me tell you, Honey is busy. If he has time for TV, then something is not getting done around here! The same goes for the kids.

He enjoys remodeling and working outside, so we bought an old home that is in constant need of "remodeling"; the problem is we do not agree on what needs remodeled first. I wanted the Kitchen, bathroom and our bedroom done first. He wanted the Garage, basement, and fencing done first. So I am constantly on him to get what I want done first. We ended up doing the Kitchen, then the kids rooms, the outside stuff throughout the years at the same time, the Garage, the Bathroom (which took 5 years to get to), the basement, and so on, we take turns, until I get so disgusted with something I force the issue.(if he doesn't then I start doing it myself, boy does that get attention, all I have to do is start busting down a wall, and wow he jumps right on it).

I could go on and on about our life, but we do keep the humor and all the stress of our self imposed busy life style. We have to constantly remind ourselves that we do love each other and that we are far better off together than apart, and how much we have accomplished since we have been together! Every night he thanks me for taking care of him and this family, and thanks God for putting us together. (he really does). And yes I appreciate him very much for putting up with me, because I am sure that there are very few who could handle my personality and my strong value system.

I also believe that we are raising some of the best little conservatives because of our relationship. Our kids see us working together on everything, and supporting each other, and we employ strong discipline and high standards in everything do. So I guess that is why I push my husband to set a better example all the time, because we can't expect it from the kids if we are not going to do the same.

Ok , I probably am missing half of the point I am trying to make, but without Mommies, we would have no morals or standards in this society!

God Bless, Hope you enjoyed my story Tracy

Comments

Wow!

We don't make this up!

-Prof. Bakeman-