Advice from the Professors

I've met the enemy and she is me!

From: Melissa in Florence Kentucky

Question

I wanted to comment on a section from your book about obligatory sex from a female point of view. "Obligatory Sex is also driven by Mommy’s latent fears that she actually is frigid and could get along just fine without it." You were kind enough to recognize the fact that most women do not want to be frigid, even have a fear of being 'mommy'.

I'm engaged to wonderful man whom I love very much, but despite my efforts to change my viewpoints and to be more patient, I find myself manifesting Tsunami Mommy qualities. I hate this, but I'm not sure what to do to curb it before I make my future husband miserable and my mother proud!

I just wanted to take note that you had hit on a major aspect of the whole 'Mommy syndrome' problem, most women FEAR turning into their mother, but somehow they always do. What advice do you have to young women who see themselves behaving in such a way that drives men to you asking- WHAT HAPPENED?

Comments

In mapping the human genome we have not only discovered genes that cause male pattern baldness in men, but most recently the researchers (at our request) began the search for the troublesome “mommy gene” scientifically known as Mm. A breakthrough occurred under the electron microscope last week when a scientist witnessed one gene telling another gene to “grow up”. So the mommy gene (Mm) has been discovered. The question now is- When/why does it activate and more importantly-How do we stop it?

Understanding that there is a genetic destination for you known as “your mother” is the first step for you. With that knowledge you can keep an eye peeled for certain situations or exposure to material goods that could trigger your gene (Mm) to activate. By avoiding these situations and goods you may delay the onset of Momminess.

A short list follows:

Mommyvans or four door cars (altogether too sensible)

Any clothes resembling something called a “jumper” or “shift”

Too many holidays at your mother’s home.

Maternity clothes before you’re thirty.

Houses with mortgages

Cooking (see the Triple F Conspiracy in our book- pg. 92)

No Nonsense (control top) pantyhose

Even without a cure you can arrest the Mm in you to levels that will make you and your new hubby proud. Eventually science will find a proper medication (other than alcohol) to treat the symptoms, and possibly eradicate the syndrome.

Good luck!