Advice from the Professors

Mommy's Meat Locker

From: Mr. Freeze

Question

When I come home late from some function (especially if it was with "the guys") I immediately notice the temperature drop at the door. Once through, it gets colder and colder the further I get towards the center (usually the kitchen). There, sitting alone or with "mommy in training" (my daughter) is Mommy, who is not speaking, or even acknowledging that I've entered the room. I can see my breath, and it reminds me of Linda Blair's room in the Exorcist.

You could hang meat in there for future use, and I don't understand how this behavior solves a problem. Screaming would be better as the there could be a quicker resolution similar to a "blitzkrieg" rather than a lengthy "siege". Why do Mommies like this approach?

Signed- Deep Freeze

Comments

Dear Deep,

Fuming in Frosty Resentment, known clinically as the FIFR Syndrome, is a common affliction among Mommies. It often is stimulated when a Mommy decides her husband is “home late”. Luckily, while earning our Professorships, we did a thesis on this very subject! It was titled “Lateness and the FIFR Syndrome-A connection?” During our research for this paper we discovered something quite startling:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS COMING HOME LATE AFTER A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GUYS!

Think about it for a minute. Mommy reamed you for coming home "late?" Late for what? Were you going somewhere? Was a bus leaving? Was class starting? Were people coming over? NO! Mommies just want you home. They are compelled to control. Coming home "late'' is an evil figment of Mommy's imagination.

Don't fall into her trap of icy silence. Simply put on your parka, go about your tasks and let Mommy and her "trainee" keep their panties in a bunch.