| Although it seems mommy is exhibiting a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, in reality she is simply avoiding the ‘nuisance of sex.” |  |
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From: Pat (in Boston)
I live in Boston and have a beautiful, young "mommy-like" wife who I am deeply in love with. She is in awesome shape, we run together frequently, and enjoy a happy life together yet our sex life is a little bumpy. The primary issue is that the actual act is in such a "controlled" environment that it seems more like reading a "repairing a Toro model 130" lawn mower manual than a loving, spontaneous act.
I can always deduce, from a series of events, that the night will include sex. It begins with her running around, fixing things here and there including checking the locks downstairs, cleaning up the room, balancing the check book, straightening up clothes in the closet, repositioning artifacts on the dresser, etc. Upon completion of "Phase I", Phase II includes an extended period of time getting ready for bed in the bathroom (facial cream, hair, and then the brushing of teeth and mouthwash). The mouthwash means: "we have liftoff". The problem is that this "extended" process has become so lengthy and time-consuming that I fall asleep and then there's: "Houston, we have a problem". I've discussed this problem with her but she insists that “everything must be right” and it is normal. I'm afraid to press the issue further (or drink a pot of coffee every night and lose my job) as I might just get jettisoned into outer-space! Pat (Boston)
Dearest Patrick,
We can see how you could be confused by this incredibly detailed and somewhat sterile form of behavior that you are misinterpreting as foreplay.
Our research to date has isolated at least eleven distinctly different types of sex available when married to mommy. You are being exposed to one of the eleven types of married sex, but there is a bigger issue here.
| Although it seems mommy is exhibiting a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, in reality she is simply avoiding the ‘nuisance of sex.” | |
To test our theory, all you need to do is stay awake a few nights in a row and see if mommy adds more chores to her list of things that need to be done for “everything to be right.” After finding our hypothesis correct, make a point of falling asleep before she finishes her lengthening list of tasks, let her off the hook, and jump her in the morning!
Good Luck!