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Ask the Professor Q&A
Location: Battle Station 1, Augusta National
Reporting: Prof. Krinbring
Date: 04 Dec 2002
Time: 15:53
Thomas H. Wyman, a 25 year member of Augusta National became the first casualty of the Mommy driven Siege of Augusta, now in it’s fifth month of fighting. “We have always known there would be casualties,” club spokesman Glenn Greenspan said, “nevertheless, the first bodybag is always difficult.”
Wyman was lost behind enemy lines, an apparent POW and victim of some sort of brainwashing. A videotape was sent to the privately financed club in which Mr. Wyman appears to call on his former comrades, and specifically Colonels Palmer and Nicklaus, to support the admission of a Mommy. “It would be nice if they came out and said ’Why can’t there be a Mommy member?” he appears to say.
General Hootie Johnson said he was examining the tape for possible hidden messages. “Sergeant Wyman’s use of the word “nice” is especially suspect,” Hootie said. “Nice is a Mommy word. Mommies like things to be “nice”, they also things to be “fair”, “clean”, and “proper”. We will take a closer look at the tape. In the meantime, we intend to stand firm behind our right to make what are both appropriate and private membership choices. Our hearts go out to Tom and his family.”