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Ask the Professor Q&A
Location: Augusta National
Reporting: Prof. Bakeman
Date: 17 Sep 2002
Time: 11:09
The Siege of Augusta continues, and Mommies have turned up the heat in an inventive fashion.
It seems that Augusta National Chairman Hootie Johnson, in a pre-emptive move to negate a Mommy boycott, canceled the Masters sponsorship of the big names of Coca-Cola, IBM, and others (see report dated Sept. 3). As it usually is with Mommies, this move simply re-directed and increased their ire.
Hootie’s sponsorship vanishing act has driven the Mommies to use Gestapo-like tactics in an ongoing effort to breach the walls of mighty Augusta. In her newest counter attack, Martha Burke, chair-Mommmy of the National Council of Mommies Organizations was quoted recently: “Vee vould like to take a look at zee corporations zees members represent undt how memberships can be reconciled vith corporate policies against discrimination undt marketink practices to vemen. Undt I vould also be verrry interressted ass to who is paying for zeez memberships.”
Yikes!
The world searches for terrorist cells, but Mommies are dumpster diving for receipts to “reconcile corporate policies” in order to hang new drapes in the Butler Cabin and dig their claws into the fertile soil of Amen Corner.
Amen indeed. We figure Hootie’s praying right now. Our studies have consistently proven the tenacity of Mommies, and it may take a visit from the Pope himself to keep Ms. Burke and her troops from completing a Grand Slam at Augusta.