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Ask the Professor Q&A
Location: Germany
Reporting: Prof. Bakeman
Date: 15 May 2002
Time: 15:53
Dateline: The Fatherland
A news bulletin from the European Theatre brings alarming news: Beer consumption has dipped in Germany!
MSNBC reported today that Germans are now drinking 17% less beer than ten years ago. This is disturbing news because most decreases in drinking can be traced to meddling mommies.
You’d think with the aging of Katarina Witt there would be more drinking since 1990, but the opposite is true. What could be the cause? As professors we are working on a theory.
It is interesting to note that the fall of the Berlin Wall took place just a couple of years before this slide in beer consumption began. Could it be that with the fall of The Wall a flood of Communist Block Mommies (CBMs, much more dangerous than ICBMs) infiltrated the West? These babushka-wearing mommies would be enough to sober up any Oktoberfest mob.
Without a clear answer to this question it’s best to play it safe. Therefore, it is now incumbent upon all guys to drink at least 17% more beer to counteract whatever foul plot may be taking shape in Germany. Down the hatch!