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Ask the Professor Q&A
Location: At Large
Reporting: Prof. Krinbring
Date: 19 Apr 2002
Time: 17:05
Any guy who follows sports will tell you that the Masters takes place in April. They'll also tell you about Tiger Woods, who proved once again the value of determination and will power. Yet while Tiger slogged through the miserable weather that befell the links this year, another show of determination, tenacity and audacious resolve took place. Mommies staged an assault on the hallowed grounds. Female columnists, across the nation declared Augusta Out of Bounds. "LET WOMEN BE MEMBERS AT AUGUSTA, LOCK US OUT NO MORE!" they shrieked.
It's taken me some time to formulate my report because of the preposterous nature of the request, and the total lack of rational foundation accompanying the howling.
A little history of Augusta will help show what I mean. Way back when, a group of guys who liked The Game decided they needed a reclusive spot, way out of town, where they could knock a little white ball around a pasture and enjoy some time away from their depression-hardened Mommies. Because it was so distant from their homes they built a few cabins, to sleep over and play a little cards in the evening. Then, for fun, they started a tournament.
Over the years the digs got nicer and nicer and the Azaleas on Amen Corner got prettier and prettier. Then one day a member made a fatal mistake. Blinded by the POWER, he violated house rules and invited his sexy young girlfriend out to the club for the weekend. Well, she eventually wore him down and married him. Shortly thereafter, while having lemonade with a group of newly Mommies, she told them about what a wonderful time she had had out at this beautiful club in the woods. That was the start of it. First just a trickle, it has now swollen into a Tsunami Mommy Flood that threatens to breech the guy’s only dam of solace and quietude for which Augusta is famous.
So now we have a group of women that not too many years ago didn't even think much about The Game, let alone a little patch of ground two hours outside of Atlanta, beating down the clubhouse door. And why are they doing this? Equality? Hardly. It’s simply because Mommies want control of EVERYTHING all the time!
It seems that a simple club made up of a few guys trying to get away from it all is not a problem. But when by the hard work and dollars spent at the effort they produce something of worth, something with blooming azaleas on "Amen Corner" then look out- Mommy comes marching home!
The lesson in this is one all guys learn as kids, and then forget. If you want to have a guy's only club and keep the little girls at bay, it's not enough to place it in the hinterlands, it must start out and remain somewhat repugnant to the opposite sex. Once you create value, over the ramparts they come and we're relegated to the concept of "sharing" and once again left to wonder- What Happened!
End Report